Just Playing the Game
by Touch of Grey
Summary: When your male human mate of choice is both a highly respected Starfleet captain and completely off his nut, with an affinity for late 20th/early 21st century pop music and a karaoke machine, life is hell. Spock/Kirk


Life can be difficult for a Vulcan when your mate of choice is male. Life can be even more difficult if your male mate is human. But if you are only half-Vulcan yourself, and your male human mate of choice is both a highly respected Starfleet captain and completely off his nut, with an affinity for late 20th/early 21st century pop music and a karaoke machine, life is hell.

"Remind me again why I put up with your antics, Captain?" Jim grinned at his 1st officer, mischief glinting in his eyes.

"Because 1. I am your Captain, b. I am the best lay in Starfleet, and 3. You secretly love watching me try to explain myself out of situations like this."

By 'situations like this', he was of course referring to his actions of the previous night. The Enterprise had docked itself on a space colony orbiting Neptune for repairs, and the captain had given all hands the night off. Jim's initial plan had been to go drinking with Bones and Scotty, and let his lover have the night off. That had been his initial plan, for all of an hour. Then he had come across the Magical Object of Wonder and Abject Terror (after two sifters of brandy and a Romulan Ale), and a new idea formed. He quickly pitched it to Scotty and Bones, both of whom were drunk as skunks, and very easily convinced that this new idea was going to be 'kick-ass awesome'. The two then started a fake fight, distracting the Ferengi bartender while Jim stole the Object from behind the bar and ran off to find Spock.

For his part, Spock was teaching Ensign Chekov the finer points of the hideously overcomplicated game of Tri-dimensional chess in one of the colony's many game lounges, when Jim, completely sauced, appeared in the doorway and began to serenade him with an ancient, embarrassingly raunchy song. And then came what could only be described as a 'lap dance'. Spock was completely mortified, of course, and Chekov couldn't be arsed to leave, due to the fact that he was both recording the entire thing, and laughing too hard to move properly. Halfway through the song, Spock stood abruptly, grabbed his lover by the scruff of his shirt, and dragged him away. The karaoke machine was left abandoned in the game lounge, music still blaring. There was a brief argument, followed by quite a bit of sex in Spock's personal quarters aboard the Enterprise.

It was now the morning after and with a heavy heart (that was in actuality a pounding hangover), Jim, Bones, and Scotty were apologizing to the leader of the space colony, the Ferengi bartender (the two men had broken many bottles, mangled a table, and Bones had put his foot through the aquarium), and four bar patrons (Scotty had a wide swing). Jim returned the karaoke machine sans microphone (he had a good feeling that Chekov had it, but couldn't prove anything), and the crew of the Enterprise prepared to leave.

"Congratulations, Jim. You've both caused and avoided an interplanetary incident, alienated the Enterprise from yet another spaceport, and stolen a microphone. Anything you'd like to say before we depart?" There was a thoughtful pause, before he finally smiled and said,

"Yeah, my ass hurts like hell." Spock flushed green, and his lover snickered mercilessly, wincing every so often. "Now let's get this bird in the air. Ensign, set a course for someplace sunny." He grinned at Pavel's confused look, then winked. "Just joking. Standard course. I want to get as far away from this place before that bartender realizes that someone aboard this ship still has his microphone." The navigator looked down quickly, and Jim grinned again. Spock shook his head, letting out a small huff of air.

Yes, life could be like a primitive rollercoaster ride from hell sometimes, but weren't the twists and turns (and occasional drunken romps) what made it fun?

Fini

Fun fact: Even though I was listening to Eh Eh (Nothing else I can say) on repeat while writing this, the song Kirk sings is actually LoveGame. I heart you and your crackfic inspiring music, Lady Gaga. First ToS fic EVER (and I'm really stretching the application of the term "ToS" here), so please be gentle. Or don't. This was meant to be funny, so if you can't take the joke, you shouldn't be reading comedic slash fiction in the first place. Either way, review! (Spock/Kirk forever!)


End file.
